A Video Montage on Rising Above Adversity

The more I think about the faithfulness of God and what He has brought us through in our 19 year marriage, I am forever grateful for a Mighty Redeemer, An All Sufficient Savior, and the one who loves me even when I am unlovely.... Thank You, Jesus!

Christopher's 18th B'day Montage Video

Happy Birthday, Christopher! It is hard to believe that time has flown by so fast! Dad and I are so very proud of the Godly man you have become and we celebrate with you as we watch you grow and walk out the call of God on your life!

You are a true JOY in our life and we love you very much!

"I pray that God will fill your heart with dreams and faith will give you courage to dare to do great things. I'm here for you whatever this life brings. May our love give you roots and help you find your wings." (Find Your Wings by Mark Harris).

Love,
Mom and Dad

In the Waiting Rooms of Life

December 7, 2009

Waiting...and waiting...and waiting... I am sure it is a spiritual gift for some, but not for me!


My husband Brad was recently diagnosed with Lymphoma and we went into surgery to have his mass and Lymph node removed. Pastor Rob was with me all day long. Brad considers Rob to be his best friend... so I found that to be very comforting to have him with me during one of the most scarey times of my life. There is just nothing to prepare you when someone tells you that your spouse has cancer. So now we wait. We wait to find out what stage the cancer is at and whether it is hodgkins or non-hodgkins. Chemo is inevidible at this point... and we have a long road ahead of us... but we have a great hope in a MIGHTY and ABLE GOD WHO HEALS! But the waiting is excruciating.


As Rob was with me on Monday, we discussed several of the other times when he came to meet us at a hospital waiting room or ER over the last eleven years. That thought alone is both sad and comforting-- just to know the long term health issues our family has battled and how faithful Rob and our senior Pastor David Kerr have been there to see us through all the bumps in the road over the past decade+ of our lives.



I was thinking just the other day of my first waiting room experience with Brad. We were in college and both youth ministers at a church. We were having a lock-in and I came down with the most incredible migraine headache that buckled me. I layed down in a room for a while but it never passed and they finally took me to the ER. That is when I knew I had a faithful friend in Brad.



Shortly later we were married and then came the children. I remember him waiting with me while I was in labor with Christopher and just pacing the room like any proud daddy would... he was holding my hand through each contraction and helping me remember to breathe. He was there when they finally told me that we would have to have c-section and prepare for surgery. He was a trooper... he stayed with me the hold time-- even when they gave me the epidural. The doctor teased him and said that is when they lose most of the dads... but not Brad! He muscled through it and stood by side and waited to hold his firstborn son.



There were several hospital waiting room visits after Christopher was born. He was having chronic ear infections with fever spiking up to 103... not a good thing in a newborn so we held our infant son in our arms while doctors tried to get his fever under control.



Just over a year later Laura was born. He braved the experience of another c-section and epidural... he is such a trooper! Laura became critically ill within the first week after she was born and we were back at the hospital waiting room and listening to the doctor tell us that they were uncertain what was wrong with our daughter, but if they did not figure it out soon they were concerned she would not live through the night. That was a dark night of the soul for both of us. We held on to each other like never before. The tears came freely as did our prayers together on behalf of our girl. There was no doubt that God was in our midst as we camped with blankets and pillows on the waiting room floor of Scott & White NICU nursery...and I had fresh c-section stitches and staples...but could not bear to leave my baby at the hospital.



A few years later Joshua was born and within his first 24 hours of life doctors were once again telling us that this newborn child of our was not expected to live through the night and they could not determine what was wrong with him. If things did not turn around within the hour they would need to do a total and complete blood transfusion. So there we were waiting and praying together as we had done so many times before on behalf of our children.



A few years after that, great regret had set in that we had opted to have my tubes tied after Joshua was born and came to realize that was mistake we wanted to correct. We loaded up the kids and drove across the country to have my reversal surgery with Dr Berger in North Carolina. We had all the hopes and dreams that would continue to grow our family and bless the love we shared with more children. We had our hopes held high that once again we would welcome another little baby Irons into our home.



It was October 1999 when we first learned that we were pregnant again! We were so excited! And then those dreams came crashing to the ground in December when we learned that we were miscarrying Hannah Grace. There was another run to the hospital where they told us that the baby would not survive. We sat in the ER room and Brad just held me while I cried. We both cried. Our hearts were crushed. Our children were beyond sad that their new baby sister was not going to be coming home--ever. Within a few days of being home from the hospital we had a Christmas ornament made for Baby's First Christmas and we had Hannah's name engraved on the ornament and hung it on our tree to celebrate her short life with us. December 2000, just a year later we lost another Baby, Michaela Dianne, and we have added her First Christmas ornament to our tree as well. We remembered and celebrated the life God had blessed us with-- even for the short time we had we had them with us.



We cried out to God about our heart's desire for more children and we were blessed again right away. This time it was TWINS!! Our hearts were encouraged! Two losses followed up with a TWIN pregnacy... we felt excited and scared at the same time! In March of 2001 something went drastically wrong and we were making another run to the hospital and sat in the waiting room again wondering what was going on with our babies. It was not looking good at all. We learned that we lost one of the twins, Jeremiah Daniel which we had up to then affectionately called Baby A. Our thoughts immediately turned to how Baby B, Josiah David, was doing. He was holding strong and had a good healthy heart beat... so we grieved and rejoiced in the same moment--- and again, just held each other as we cried in this hospital room. Josiah held on strong for three more weeks. Then we lost him too. But with him it was different. I actually went into labor and we birthed his tiny little body fully intact in his amniotic sac. You could see his head, his eyes, his arms, his spine... fully human and identifiable as a baby. Our baby. We had the sacred moment of holding him our hand... and then we had a funeral to plan. We had never had a body to deal with in the process of miscarrying the other babies... but Josiah was actually delivered. We loved, we grieved, and we buried part of our heart in the ground. Since Josiah was a twin, we put both babies names on the grave marker. The next two years saw our pregnancy losses of Caitlyn Elizabeth and Michael Gabriel... at this point we knew something was seriously wrong in my body and began demanding the medical community do something to find out what was wrong with me.


The Lyme disease diagnosis came in November 2005 and then began a brutal 3 year antibiotic regimine that was equivalent to chemo. There was at least once-a-year during my 3 year treatment that Brad was in the hospital as well. We kept each other company and prayed together during these moments of life where it seemed we were becoming way too familiar with hospitals and waiting rooms.


This last year has been one trial after another. I thought about what we would say if we wrote a Christmas letter this year ...and just decided we would just say "Merry Chrsitmas" and move on! I became very sick right after Christmas in 2008 and was scheduled for a spinal tap the first week in January. It brought short term relief, but by February I needed another spinal tap and the doctor felt it was too unsafe to do another so soon to the last one. He put me on a medication that completely incapacitated me for 6 months, but held the symptoms at bay until it was safe enough to do another a tap. I was literally in bed for almost 16 hours a day for 6 months and life was a blur for that six months. My highlight was being able to go to the DBU campus twice a month for classes in the evening... and only able to accomplish that because I had been able to sleep all day. I did not take the meds on the days I had to go to campus so I could safely drive.


By August, the doctor opted not to do a spinal tap as it would only give us temporary results but rather wanted a more permanent solution and decided on brain surgery to place a shunt. In September, just 4 weeks after the brain surgery I was back in the hospital for gall bladder surgery... Brad was at my side faithfully during both surgeries. I am just now landing on my feet, getting back in school at normal paces and looking for a job. Things were starting to look up.



October of this year brought about an experience for us that I could only lable as being the darkest nights of my soul. I could not imagine anything more devestating that what we were going though... until Brad was diagnosed as having Lymphoma. CANCER. And the abyss that we were already falling into just opened up wider and it felt like we were utterly being consumed by darkness and hopelessness.

The doctor told us on a Thursday about the Lymphoma and Brad had asked if we could do the surgery in 3 weeks so we could meet the new deductible in January. The doctor said we could not wait that long and he wanted to do the surgery the very next day. Fear set in...gripping fear! Why the rush? This had to be bad if the doctor did not even want to wait antoher day. The surgery could not be scheduled until the following Monday... it was an entire weekend of praying and believing for a miracle...and battling the fear that threatened to consume us.

Monday came and we left for the hospital. The lump in my throat was painful and I could not find words to speak so I just held on to my precious heartsong's hand and prayed silently. We got him admitted into the hospital and we found ourselves waiting again in yet another waiting room. This time my best friend Randi and Brad's best friend Rob was with us. We were all together...laughing and remembering times in the past and talking about dreams for the future... and there was still that fear just below the surface that wondered if there really was going to be a future for us... thoughts of wondering if he would survive this cancer taunted me. And as I looked around the room at Brad, Randi and Rob...I knew that for all the love that was in that room and all the prayers that had been offered on behalf of Brad--- I had to let him go. There was nothing more I could do for him but pray and release him to the hand of God... and the tears threatened to cross my eye lids so I closed my eyes and prayed yet again...God, take care of my heartsong... I love him. I want him back.

Time was up. They came to take him back for surgery-- a surgery that had the potential of him coming back to us paralyzed. I held his hand as they stopped at the automated doors before rolling him into the surgical room. I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek and told him how much I loved him. They rolled him away and doors shut behind them. So there I was again... another waiting room.

December 11, 2009 (4 days post surgery)
Brad slept in his own bed last night. I layed there next to him all night with my hand on his arm...praying every time I woke up. All I could think to pray was YOUR WILL BE DONE, Lord. I was scared of finding out the test results. Was this cancer treatable? What would the chemo be like for Brad? So I continued to pray that no matter what-- none of this had taken God by suprise. I knew that no matter the results Brad and I would stand and praise God. And for all my praying, I stood there this morning and remembered the story of Leah in the Bible who felt so unloved... and I remembered her words to the Lord... no matter what, this time I will PRAISE YOU!

I let my husband go. I gave him to God... and resigned myself that no matter what I was going to praise Him.

It was a long and quiet ride to the doctor's office. We said little, but just held on to each other's hand...TIGHTLY.

The tension was heavy as we sat in yet another waiting room... waiting for the news that would forever change our lives. The doctor came in and it was if all the oxygen in the room was sucked out and we were left holding our breaths... and the first words out of his mouth were "We have GOOD NEWS!!" ...and a collective exhale flooded over the room!

He said, "The good Lord must have been watching over you! We were able to remove the lymphoma cells in the cyst and surrounding tissues before it could ever spread! We caught this early! You are CANCER FREE!"

I know my REDEEMER lives!!!!

I don't know what other waiting room experiences await us in this lifetime, but I am praying that they will be good ones! I look forward to waiting with Brad in hospital waiting rooms as we anticipate meeting our new grandchildren some day!

I love you, Brad... the best years are yet to come!!!

Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen!!

I accept the challenge…

There are a lot of things I do not know:

I don’t know how to do logo rhythms.

I don’t know how to communicate effectively with teens.

I don’t know why bad things happen to good people.

I don’t know why, as people, we run ourselves ragged majoring on the minors.

..these things, I just don’t know.

But these things I do know:

Jesus Christ is the Son of the Living God.

God is still on His throne.

Prayer gives us direct access to the God of the universe and He immensely enjoys our company.

For all the miracles God has done before, He can do it again!

…on these truths I would stake my very life.

So I accept the challenge!

This morning a visitor issued our church a challenge. I partly wonder if the guy was human, or was he an angel in our midst?? I bought his CD so I’m pretty sure he is real… :-D.

The challenge was to seek the heart of God and personal revival. The challenge was to devote ourselves to the communion of prayer and meditation on the scriptures—to interact with God. When we experience God we are changed, and in turn we can change our world. The challenge was to know God and be fully known by God.

I accept the challenge.

I woke up this morning with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I wondered what in the world I had gotten myself into. They physical responsibilities I have taken on have started to wear me down. My mind was filled with the frustrations of the week, the medical dilemmas, dueling doctors opinions, and no hope in sight.

I laid on my bed while every muscle ached, every movement caused my bones to pop and creak and all I could think of was the fact I was determined to make it to church this morning. I resolved that I would get there this morning even if I had to limp, crawl or be carried in a wheel chair…I was going to be there. There was not even drama with the kids this morning…an unusual thing for Sunday morning.

More than anything I knew I wanted and needed prayer. I have been completely at a loss about what to do with the medical situation that I am facing. 3 doctors and not one of them can agree on anything. In fact the vehemently oppose each others suggestions. Two of those three doctors asked me what *I* felt they should do! Last I checked, my degree was in Social Work—not MEDICINE! That brought about even more fear an anxiety to know my doctors were looking at me and asking me what to do. The hopeless feelings just kept mounting. But in the middle of the storm, the clock is ticking and decisions have to be made…they all want answers as to what we are going to do to solve the problem.

One doctor mailed me copies of the lab work so I would know what we are dealing with on his end, another doctor graphed me out a chart of what his concern was, another doctor felt it was too dangerous to do the one treatment we all knew to be effective because it was an invasive procedure that we just did in January, and now we need it done again. He said the risk was too high. I sat looking at all the overwhelming information and tried to consider each doctor’s opinion and suggested course of action. I realized the complete disharmony of the three of them. So I have a fourth opinion coming next week.

As I woke up this morning, I only had one goal in mind…Get me to the church on time!!!

I had no idea we would have a guest speaker today. In fact, I expected jokes from my pastor, that he would introduce himself to me as if I were a first time visitor because I have been gone so much lately. But he greeted me with a hug and told me he was glad I was well enough to be there. I gave a half-hearted smile because I didn’t have the heart to say that I wasn’t well enough to be there—I was just that DESPERATE!!

During our communion service we had a special time of prayer for those in our church body who were sick. I knew this was a divine moment! I stood and asked for prayer from those around me. Desperation is not always a bad thing—in that moment I was clinging to the hem of Jesus’ garment with all that I had in me.

The speaker spoke. He issued his challenge. And the weight of the world I had felt just hours before had simple melted away. I was reminded of the passage of scripture where Jesus was talking to Martha. “Martha, Martha, you worry about so many things, but only one thing is needed.” Mary had been sitting at the feet of Jesus while Martha was working and worrying. Jesus told Martha, “Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken from her.” (Luke 10:38-42)

As I considered all that has been worrying me, I made a conscious decision….I’m not going to play that game!

As I mentioned before, there is a lot I don’t know. I don’t know why three doctors can’t come to some agreement on how to treat me without physically harming me further. I don’t know if the 4^th opinion is going to help or further complicate and confuse this issue.

But this I do know….

God is not the author of confusion! And these doctors are admittedly confused about what to do. I know that Mary chose the one thing THAT WAS NEEDED. She chose to sit at the feet of Jesus, learn from Him and have fellowship with Him…and that could never be taken from her.

So here’s my plan. I am going to accept the challenge that was issued today to fully immerse myself in the Word, in prayer and in communion with my God, my Savior, my Redeemer, and my Healer.

And in this time of devotion to prayer and seeking God, I am asking God to intervene and heal me or give the doctors clarity and consensus on how to move forward. God is not the author of confusion.

I am in no rush. I think the foolish thing would be to just plow ahead amidst the confusion! How senseless would it be to make a decision in the midst of confusion, having neglected THE ONE THING THAT IS NEEDED!!

With God all things are possible!

My friends, we all worry about so many things, but Jesus said Himself, there is ONLY ONE THING THAT IS NEEDED!!

Will you accept the challenge of seeking a personal revival with God?

Love, Dawn

PS...check back to our church's website in the next few days and hear the message/challenge that was given online! www.thevinefellowship.com

Standing at the Gates, Looking at the Ruins

I recently received a very precious, precious gift. It is not one that I can display on a shelf, or hang in a place of honor in my home—it was a far more treasured a gift than that… it was a healing of a wounded spirit.

I attended college at the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor in Belton, Texas (UMHB). The campus has an extremely rich historical heritage. I remember soaking in all the UMHB Crusader history with great pride. I knew from the day I stepped foot on the campus that I would be a Crusader forever! I would almost believe that if you cut me I would bleed purple and gold!

One of my favorite places on the campus was the Luther Memorial which we simply called “the ruins”. Ions ago there was a building called Luther Hall that had caught fire and all that was left was the bell tower and the multiple archway entrances. These “ruins” were preserved and made into a memorial that has become a campus icon for generations. The Easter pageant is held at the ruins. Weddings have been held at the ruins. When you think UMHB—you think “the ruins!”

The ruins signify a once tragic event in the life of the university—a gaping wound in the history and the heart of the UMHB heritage….. And yet, it is beautiful.

The precious gift I received recently came in the form of an invitation. I was invited to come back to UMHB and speak to their school of Journalism. They wanted to hear from an Alumnus who had once been editor of the UMHB school newspaper, The Bells, and had gone on to continue work in the newspaper and journalism profession.

As I arrived on campus, one of the first things I did was to seek out the ruins! I love the ruins! Oddly though, another one of the campus iconic landmarks had been moved and now sort of “framed” the ruins. It made the most beautiful photo for any UMHB fan! So I was standing at the gates looking at the ruins and I was struck with the irony of what had brought me to this place.

I thought it was rather ironic that my field of study while at the university was actually in Social Work, not journalism—though journalism had been my first choice. At that time, the school did not have a journalism department. Social Work just seemed fitting. There has always been an advocate inside of me—it is in the fabric of my being. I would just go about my goals through the avenue of the Social Work department and spend my time volunteering on the school’s newspaper and yearbook until such a time came when the editor’s position was available and I was hired for the job. This satisfied that desire for journalism in my life, even though I knew a journalism degree would not be at the end of the journey.

So there I was standing at the gates of UMHB looking on the ruins. The thoughts of being invited to speak to the school’s journalism department flooded me with emotions. I was so excited that the dream I had once wanted was now available to future students, and there was a sense of Crusader pride that just welled up inside me. But the irony of how I actually ended up in the field of journalism kept pervading my thoughts. There is just no other word but irony that describes the situation…and it was the very reason UMHB invited me back to speak to this new generation of journalists: my newspaper publication The Public Health Alert, and by association Lyme disease.

Again, staring at the ruins of UMHB, I realized it was the ruins of my own life that brought me back to this place. It was the devastation and destruction of Lyme disease and realizing what others were going through—and then with the social work training, the advocate inside did all I could do, under the circumstances. I took the journalism skills I had learned in junior high and high school, and fine tuned while being the editor of the UMHB Bells, and arose from the ashes, much like a phoenix and created the PHA to help Lyme patients and their medical providers have a platform to share information, without outside interference.

Much like UMHB’s ruins signified a tragedy of the past, I am finding that the ruins of what Lyme has done in my life, though it has had it’s tragic moments, is also becoming the very thing that people are now being drawn to, and are finding beauty in—much like the Luther Memorial at UMHB.

I find when I tell my Lyme story, when I reflect on all that Lyme has done in my life—both good and bad—there is a far deeper story than what you see by simply meeting me. My story tells the story of many others…multitudes of others! My story also shows the faithfulness of God, still sovereign and moving in a modern generation. My story tells of a tenacious doctor willing to put his patients above politics and practice the oath he took when he became a physician—to first do no harm—even when it put him squarely in the middle of a medical controversy. He chose the patients health over his personal concern over the controversy of his decisions. Because of his medical choices I am still walking. I thank him and God for that. Because of his bold medical decisions and persistence to go the distance, I am no longer bed-ridden, but will be attending graduate school in 8 weeks. I can thank God and Dr. Forester for that. My story encompasses their stories. I find there is much to reflect on.

This is the time of year where reflecting on life is very important to me. There is something about the holiday seasons that cause a lot of reflection and introspection. That can be both good and bad. The contents of this particular issue of the PHA reflect that perfectly. We see great strides with ILADS advancing their physicians training program at the same time we mourn the tragic loss of a tremendous Lyme patient advocate Leslie Wermers. I think of Leslie’s sister, Tracie Schissle, and how the holidays must be bearing down on her -- and in my heart I know Leslie’s desire for Tracie is to rise like a phoenix out of the ashes and continue down the path of advocacy the two close-knit sisters had put their heart and soul into for hope of a brighter tomorrow for Lyme disease patients everywhere.

I reflect on my own life. I remember closing out the 2007 year this time last year and my daughter surviving her coma that was brought on by a Lyme induced case of Meningitis. This year of 2008 had its own share of trials and tribulations, but I have seen the best progress of my Lyme treatment this year and I am simply amazed.

Last year I was contemplating launching a Christian newspaper. In November of 2008 I did it! By the end of January 2009 we should have it out in hard copy! Last year I was accepted to graduate school, but was unable to attend. This year my classes start in early January! I am just weeks away from realizing that dream!

I think of all the controversy that surrounds the IDSA vs. ILADS treatment protocols, and I cannot imagine where I would be right now if I had just accepted the measly 6 weeks of antibiotics and learned to deal with what the IDSA called “the aches and pains of daily living.” I personally think not being able to walk and not having full use of my legs is a tad bit more than the average “aches and pains of daily living”… but I digress!

I thank God for Dr. Jonathan Forester in Pineville, Louisiana who has been able to medically treat my/our Lyme disease, and pray with me and my family. He has been a very integral part of giving us back our lives and health. I can without a doubt say, that had we not found him when we did, I would not be alive today. He literally saved my life, and that of my family. I owe a debt of gratitude to Dr. Forester that I can never repay.

My hope for you, the readers and friends of the PHA, is that as you look at the ruins of your own life, you will find the strength, like the phoenix, to rise from the ashes.

It is my prayer for you all that you will seek God as priceless gift this holiday season. He is the only one who can trade your ashes for beauty, your sorrow for joy…He can turn our mourning into dancing again. May God make the ruins of your life into a beautiful memorial that will draw people to you that you may testify to them, “look what my God has done for me!”

Public school teacher brow beats student for being a McCain supporter

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDEAYgm0Dv8

This is a must see!!

Public school teacher brow beats student for being a McCain supporter.

(Just get past the first 20 seconds because it is in the finnish language because the american network news DID NOT show this in our news stations!... the rest is in english, but it has Finnish subtitles.)

Unbelievable.....

"Free" public education...I guess you get what you pay for! Complete INDOCTRINATION!!

I guess her political stance was so "good" they were able to overlook her comments about "Jesus??"

Go figure!

This kind of makes me miss my homeschooling days...

I am amazed this woman still has her job and has had no consequences.

I guess the ACLU might slap her hand for saying JESUS??

It would almost be funny if it weren't so tragic...

Dawn