In the Waiting Rooms of Life

December 7, 2009

Waiting...and waiting...and waiting... I am sure it is a spiritual gift for some, but not for me!


My husband Brad was recently diagnosed with Lymphoma and we went into surgery to have his mass and Lymph node removed. Pastor Rob was with me all day long. Brad considers Rob to be his best friend... so I found that to be very comforting to have him with me during one of the most scarey times of my life. There is just nothing to prepare you when someone tells you that your spouse has cancer. So now we wait. We wait to find out what stage the cancer is at and whether it is hodgkins or non-hodgkins. Chemo is inevidible at this point... and we have a long road ahead of us... but we have a great hope in a MIGHTY and ABLE GOD WHO HEALS! But the waiting is excruciating.


As Rob was with me on Monday, we discussed several of the other times when he came to meet us at a hospital waiting room or ER over the last eleven years. That thought alone is both sad and comforting-- just to know the long term health issues our family has battled and how faithful Rob and our senior Pastor David Kerr have been there to see us through all the bumps in the road over the past decade+ of our lives.



I was thinking just the other day of my first waiting room experience with Brad. We were in college and both youth ministers at a church. We were having a lock-in and I came down with the most incredible migraine headache that buckled me. I layed down in a room for a while but it never passed and they finally took me to the ER. That is when I knew I had a faithful friend in Brad.



Shortly later we were married and then came the children. I remember him waiting with me while I was in labor with Christopher and just pacing the room like any proud daddy would... he was holding my hand through each contraction and helping me remember to breathe. He was there when they finally told me that we would have to have c-section and prepare for surgery. He was a trooper... he stayed with me the hold time-- even when they gave me the epidural. The doctor teased him and said that is when they lose most of the dads... but not Brad! He muscled through it and stood by side and waited to hold his firstborn son.



There were several hospital waiting room visits after Christopher was born. He was having chronic ear infections with fever spiking up to 103... not a good thing in a newborn so we held our infant son in our arms while doctors tried to get his fever under control.



Just over a year later Laura was born. He braved the experience of another c-section and epidural... he is such a trooper! Laura became critically ill within the first week after she was born and we were back at the hospital waiting room and listening to the doctor tell us that they were uncertain what was wrong with our daughter, but if they did not figure it out soon they were concerned she would not live through the night. That was a dark night of the soul for both of us. We held on to each other like never before. The tears came freely as did our prayers together on behalf of our girl. There was no doubt that God was in our midst as we camped with blankets and pillows on the waiting room floor of Scott & White NICU nursery...and I had fresh c-section stitches and staples...but could not bear to leave my baby at the hospital.



A few years later Joshua was born and within his first 24 hours of life doctors were once again telling us that this newborn child of our was not expected to live through the night and they could not determine what was wrong with him. If things did not turn around within the hour they would need to do a total and complete blood transfusion. So there we were waiting and praying together as we had done so many times before on behalf of our children.



A few years after that, great regret had set in that we had opted to have my tubes tied after Joshua was born and came to realize that was mistake we wanted to correct. We loaded up the kids and drove across the country to have my reversal surgery with Dr Berger in North Carolina. We had all the hopes and dreams that would continue to grow our family and bless the love we shared with more children. We had our hopes held high that once again we would welcome another little baby Irons into our home.



It was October 1999 when we first learned that we were pregnant again! We were so excited! And then those dreams came crashing to the ground in December when we learned that we were miscarrying Hannah Grace. There was another run to the hospital where they told us that the baby would not survive. We sat in the ER room and Brad just held me while I cried. We both cried. Our hearts were crushed. Our children were beyond sad that their new baby sister was not going to be coming home--ever. Within a few days of being home from the hospital we had a Christmas ornament made for Baby's First Christmas and we had Hannah's name engraved on the ornament and hung it on our tree to celebrate her short life with us. December 2000, just a year later we lost another Baby, Michaela Dianne, and we have added her First Christmas ornament to our tree as well. We remembered and celebrated the life God had blessed us with-- even for the short time we had we had them with us.



We cried out to God about our heart's desire for more children and we were blessed again right away. This time it was TWINS!! Our hearts were encouraged! Two losses followed up with a TWIN pregnacy... we felt excited and scared at the same time! In March of 2001 something went drastically wrong and we were making another run to the hospital and sat in the waiting room again wondering what was going on with our babies. It was not looking good at all. We learned that we lost one of the twins, Jeremiah Daniel which we had up to then affectionately called Baby A. Our thoughts immediately turned to how Baby B, Josiah David, was doing. He was holding strong and had a good healthy heart beat... so we grieved and rejoiced in the same moment--- and again, just held each other as we cried in this hospital room. Josiah held on strong for three more weeks. Then we lost him too. But with him it was different. I actually went into labor and we birthed his tiny little body fully intact in his amniotic sac. You could see his head, his eyes, his arms, his spine... fully human and identifiable as a baby. Our baby. We had the sacred moment of holding him our hand... and then we had a funeral to plan. We had never had a body to deal with in the process of miscarrying the other babies... but Josiah was actually delivered. We loved, we grieved, and we buried part of our heart in the ground. Since Josiah was a twin, we put both babies names on the grave marker. The next two years saw our pregnancy losses of Caitlyn Elizabeth and Michael Gabriel... at this point we knew something was seriously wrong in my body and began demanding the medical community do something to find out what was wrong with me.


The Lyme disease diagnosis came in November 2005 and then began a brutal 3 year antibiotic regimine that was equivalent to chemo. There was at least once-a-year during my 3 year treatment that Brad was in the hospital as well. We kept each other company and prayed together during these moments of life where it seemed we were becoming way too familiar with hospitals and waiting rooms.


This last year has been one trial after another. I thought about what we would say if we wrote a Christmas letter this year ...and just decided we would just say "Merry Chrsitmas" and move on! I became very sick right after Christmas in 2008 and was scheduled for a spinal tap the first week in January. It brought short term relief, but by February I needed another spinal tap and the doctor felt it was too unsafe to do another so soon to the last one. He put me on a medication that completely incapacitated me for 6 months, but held the symptoms at bay until it was safe enough to do another a tap. I was literally in bed for almost 16 hours a day for 6 months and life was a blur for that six months. My highlight was being able to go to the DBU campus twice a month for classes in the evening... and only able to accomplish that because I had been able to sleep all day. I did not take the meds on the days I had to go to campus so I could safely drive.


By August, the doctor opted not to do a spinal tap as it would only give us temporary results but rather wanted a more permanent solution and decided on brain surgery to place a shunt. In September, just 4 weeks after the brain surgery I was back in the hospital for gall bladder surgery... Brad was at my side faithfully during both surgeries. I am just now landing on my feet, getting back in school at normal paces and looking for a job. Things were starting to look up.



October of this year brought about an experience for us that I could only lable as being the darkest nights of my soul. I could not imagine anything more devestating that what we were going though... until Brad was diagnosed as having Lymphoma. CANCER. And the abyss that we were already falling into just opened up wider and it felt like we were utterly being consumed by darkness and hopelessness.

The doctor told us on a Thursday about the Lymphoma and Brad had asked if we could do the surgery in 3 weeks so we could meet the new deductible in January. The doctor said we could not wait that long and he wanted to do the surgery the very next day. Fear set in...gripping fear! Why the rush? This had to be bad if the doctor did not even want to wait antoher day. The surgery could not be scheduled until the following Monday... it was an entire weekend of praying and believing for a miracle...and battling the fear that threatened to consume us.

Monday came and we left for the hospital. The lump in my throat was painful and I could not find words to speak so I just held on to my precious heartsong's hand and prayed silently. We got him admitted into the hospital and we found ourselves waiting again in yet another waiting room. This time my best friend Randi and Brad's best friend Rob was with us. We were all together...laughing and remembering times in the past and talking about dreams for the future... and there was still that fear just below the surface that wondered if there really was going to be a future for us... thoughts of wondering if he would survive this cancer taunted me. And as I looked around the room at Brad, Randi and Rob...I knew that for all the love that was in that room and all the prayers that had been offered on behalf of Brad--- I had to let him go. There was nothing more I could do for him but pray and release him to the hand of God... and the tears threatened to cross my eye lids so I closed my eyes and prayed yet again...God, take care of my heartsong... I love him. I want him back.

Time was up. They came to take him back for surgery-- a surgery that had the potential of him coming back to us paralyzed. I held his hand as they stopped at the automated doors before rolling him into the surgical room. I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek and told him how much I loved him. They rolled him away and doors shut behind them. So there I was again... another waiting room.

December 11, 2009 (4 days post surgery)
Brad slept in his own bed last night. I layed there next to him all night with my hand on his arm...praying every time I woke up. All I could think to pray was YOUR WILL BE DONE, Lord. I was scared of finding out the test results. Was this cancer treatable? What would the chemo be like for Brad? So I continued to pray that no matter what-- none of this had taken God by suprise. I knew that no matter the results Brad and I would stand and praise God. And for all my praying, I stood there this morning and remembered the story of Leah in the Bible who felt so unloved... and I remembered her words to the Lord... no matter what, this time I will PRAISE YOU!

I let my husband go. I gave him to God... and resigned myself that no matter what I was going to praise Him.

It was a long and quiet ride to the doctor's office. We said little, but just held on to each other's hand...TIGHTLY.

The tension was heavy as we sat in yet another waiting room... waiting for the news that would forever change our lives. The doctor came in and it was if all the oxygen in the room was sucked out and we were left holding our breaths... and the first words out of his mouth were "We have GOOD NEWS!!" ...and a collective exhale flooded over the room!

He said, "The good Lord must have been watching over you! We were able to remove the lymphoma cells in the cyst and surrounding tissues before it could ever spread! We caught this early! You are CANCER FREE!"

I know my REDEEMER lives!!!!

I don't know what other waiting room experiences await us in this lifetime, but I am praying that they will be good ones! I look forward to waiting with Brad in hospital waiting rooms as we anticipate meeting our new grandchildren some day!

I love you, Brad... the best years are yet to come!!!

Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen!!

I accept the challenge…

There are a lot of things I do not know:

I don’t know how to do logo rhythms.

I don’t know how to communicate effectively with teens.

I don’t know why bad things happen to good people.

I don’t know why, as people, we run ourselves ragged majoring on the minors.

..these things, I just don’t know.

But these things I do know:

Jesus Christ is the Son of the Living God.

God is still on His throne.

Prayer gives us direct access to the God of the universe and He immensely enjoys our company.

For all the miracles God has done before, He can do it again!

…on these truths I would stake my very life.

So I accept the challenge!

This morning a visitor issued our church a challenge. I partly wonder if the guy was human, or was he an angel in our midst?? I bought his CD so I’m pretty sure he is real… :-D.

The challenge was to seek the heart of God and personal revival. The challenge was to devote ourselves to the communion of prayer and meditation on the scriptures—to interact with God. When we experience God we are changed, and in turn we can change our world. The challenge was to know God and be fully known by God.

I accept the challenge.

I woke up this morning with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I wondered what in the world I had gotten myself into. They physical responsibilities I have taken on have started to wear me down. My mind was filled with the frustrations of the week, the medical dilemmas, dueling doctors opinions, and no hope in sight.

I laid on my bed while every muscle ached, every movement caused my bones to pop and creak and all I could think of was the fact I was determined to make it to church this morning. I resolved that I would get there this morning even if I had to limp, crawl or be carried in a wheel chair…I was going to be there. There was not even drama with the kids this morning…an unusual thing for Sunday morning.

More than anything I knew I wanted and needed prayer. I have been completely at a loss about what to do with the medical situation that I am facing. 3 doctors and not one of them can agree on anything. In fact the vehemently oppose each others suggestions. Two of those three doctors asked me what *I* felt they should do! Last I checked, my degree was in Social Work—not MEDICINE! That brought about even more fear an anxiety to know my doctors were looking at me and asking me what to do. The hopeless feelings just kept mounting. But in the middle of the storm, the clock is ticking and decisions have to be made…they all want answers as to what we are going to do to solve the problem.

One doctor mailed me copies of the lab work so I would know what we are dealing with on his end, another doctor graphed me out a chart of what his concern was, another doctor felt it was too dangerous to do the one treatment we all knew to be effective because it was an invasive procedure that we just did in January, and now we need it done again. He said the risk was too high. I sat looking at all the overwhelming information and tried to consider each doctor’s opinion and suggested course of action. I realized the complete disharmony of the three of them. So I have a fourth opinion coming next week.

As I woke up this morning, I only had one goal in mind…Get me to the church on time!!!

I had no idea we would have a guest speaker today. In fact, I expected jokes from my pastor, that he would introduce himself to me as if I were a first time visitor because I have been gone so much lately. But he greeted me with a hug and told me he was glad I was well enough to be there. I gave a half-hearted smile because I didn’t have the heart to say that I wasn’t well enough to be there—I was just that DESPERATE!!

During our communion service we had a special time of prayer for those in our church body who were sick. I knew this was a divine moment! I stood and asked for prayer from those around me. Desperation is not always a bad thing—in that moment I was clinging to the hem of Jesus’ garment with all that I had in me.

The speaker spoke. He issued his challenge. And the weight of the world I had felt just hours before had simple melted away. I was reminded of the passage of scripture where Jesus was talking to Martha. “Martha, Martha, you worry about so many things, but only one thing is needed.” Mary had been sitting at the feet of Jesus while Martha was working and worrying. Jesus told Martha, “Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken from her.” (Luke 10:38-42)

As I considered all that has been worrying me, I made a conscious decision….I’m not going to play that game!

As I mentioned before, there is a lot I don’t know. I don’t know why three doctors can’t come to some agreement on how to treat me without physically harming me further. I don’t know if the 4^th opinion is going to help or further complicate and confuse this issue.

But this I do know….

God is not the author of confusion! And these doctors are admittedly confused about what to do. I know that Mary chose the one thing THAT WAS NEEDED. She chose to sit at the feet of Jesus, learn from Him and have fellowship with Him…and that could never be taken from her.

So here’s my plan. I am going to accept the challenge that was issued today to fully immerse myself in the Word, in prayer and in communion with my God, my Savior, my Redeemer, and my Healer.

And in this time of devotion to prayer and seeking God, I am asking God to intervene and heal me or give the doctors clarity and consensus on how to move forward. God is not the author of confusion.

I am in no rush. I think the foolish thing would be to just plow ahead amidst the confusion! How senseless would it be to make a decision in the midst of confusion, having neglected THE ONE THING THAT IS NEEDED!!

With God all things are possible!

My friends, we all worry about so many things, but Jesus said Himself, there is ONLY ONE THING THAT IS NEEDED!!

Will you accept the challenge of seeking a personal revival with God?

Love, Dawn

PS...check back to our church's website in the next few days and hear the message/challenge that was given online! www.thevinefellowship.com

Standing at the Gates, Looking at the Ruins

I recently received a very precious, precious gift. It is not one that I can display on a shelf, or hang in a place of honor in my home—it was a far more treasured a gift than that… it was a healing of a wounded spirit.

I attended college at the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor in Belton, Texas (UMHB). The campus has an extremely rich historical heritage. I remember soaking in all the UMHB Crusader history with great pride. I knew from the day I stepped foot on the campus that I would be a Crusader forever! I would almost believe that if you cut me I would bleed purple and gold!

One of my favorite places on the campus was the Luther Memorial which we simply called “the ruins”. Ions ago there was a building called Luther Hall that had caught fire and all that was left was the bell tower and the multiple archway entrances. These “ruins” were preserved and made into a memorial that has become a campus icon for generations. The Easter pageant is held at the ruins. Weddings have been held at the ruins. When you think UMHB—you think “the ruins!”

The ruins signify a once tragic event in the life of the university—a gaping wound in the history and the heart of the UMHB heritage….. And yet, it is beautiful.

The precious gift I received recently came in the form of an invitation. I was invited to come back to UMHB and speak to their school of Journalism. They wanted to hear from an Alumnus who had once been editor of the UMHB school newspaper, The Bells, and had gone on to continue work in the newspaper and journalism profession.

As I arrived on campus, one of the first things I did was to seek out the ruins! I love the ruins! Oddly though, another one of the campus iconic landmarks had been moved and now sort of “framed” the ruins. It made the most beautiful photo for any UMHB fan! So I was standing at the gates looking at the ruins and I was struck with the irony of what had brought me to this place.

I thought it was rather ironic that my field of study while at the university was actually in Social Work, not journalism—though journalism had been my first choice. At that time, the school did not have a journalism department. Social Work just seemed fitting. There has always been an advocate inside of me—it is in the fabric of my being. I would just go about my goals through the avenue of the Social Work department and spend my time volunteering on the school’s newspaper and yearbook until such a time came when the editor’s position was available and I was hired for the job. This satisfied that desire for journalism in my life, even though I knew a journalism degree would not be at the end of the journey.

So there I was standing at the gates of UMHB looking on the ruins. The thoughts of being invited to speak to the school’s journalism department flooded me with emotions. I was so excited that the dream I had once wanted was now available to future students, and there was a sense of Crusader pride that just welled up inside me. But the irony of how I actually ended up in the field of journalism kept pervading my thoughts. There is just no other word but irony that describes the situation…and it was the very reason UMHB invited me back to speak to this new generation of journalists: my newspaper publication The Public Health Alert, and by association Lyme disease.

Again, staring at the ruins of UMHB, I realized it was the ruins of my own life that brought me back to this place. It was the devastation and destruction of Lyme disease and realizing what others were going through—and then with the social work training, the advocate inside did all I could do, under the circumstances. I took the journalism skills I had learned in junior high and high school, and fine tuned while being the editor of the UMHB Bells, and arose from the ashes, much like a phoenix and created the PHA to help Lyme patients and their medical providers have a platform to share information, without outside interference.

Much like UMHB’s ruins signified a tragedy of the past, I am finding that the ruins of what Lyme has done in my life, though it has had it’s tragic moments, is also becoming the very thing that people are now being drawn to, and are finding beauty in—much like the Luther Memorial at UMHB.

I find when I tell my Lyme story, when I reflect on all that Lyme has done in my life—both good and bad—there is a far deeper story than what you see by simply meeting me. My story tells the story of many others…multitudes of others! My story also shows the faithfulness of God, still sovereign and moving in a modern generation. My story tells of a tenacious doctor willing to put his patients above politics and practice the oath he took when he became a physician—to first do no harm—even when it put him squarely in the middle of a medical controversy. He chose the patients health over his personal concern over the controversy of his decisions. Because of his medical choices I am still walking. I thank him and God for that. Because of his bold medical decisions and persistence to go the distance, I am no longer bed-ridden, but will be attending graduate school in 8 weeks. I can thank God and Dr. Forester for that. My story encompasses their stories. I find there is much to reflect on.

This is the time of year where reflecting on life is very important to me. There is something about the holiday seasons that cause a lot of reflection and introspection. That can be both good and bad. The contents of this particular issue of the PHA reflect that perfectly. We see great strides with ILADS advancing their physicians training program at the same time we mourn the tragic loss of a tremendous Lyme patient advocate Leslie Wermers. I think of Leslie’s sister, Tracie Schissle, and how the holidays must be bearing down on her -- and in my heart I know Leslie’s desire for Tracie is to rise like a phoenix out of the ashes and continue down the path of advocacy the two close-knit sisters had put their heart and soul into for hope of a brighter tomorrow for Lyme disease patients everywhere.

I reflect on my own life. I remember closing out the 2007 year this time last year and my daughter surviving her coma that was brought on by a Lyme induced case of Meningitis. This year of 2008 had its own share of trials and tribulations, but I have seen the best progress of my Lyme treatment this year and I am simply amazed.

Last year I was contemplating launching a Christian newspaper. In November of 2008 I did it! By the end of January 2009 we should have it out in hard copy! Last year I was accepted to graduate school, but was unable to attend. This year my classes start in early January! I am just weeks away from realizing that dream!

I think of all the controversy that surrounds the IDSA vs. ILADS treatment protocols, and I cannot imagine where I would be right now if I had just accepted the measly 6 weeks of antibiotics and learned to deal with what the IDSA called “the aches and pains of daily living.” I personally think not being able to walk and not having full use of my legs is a tad bit more than the average “aches and pains of daily living”… but I digress!

I thank God for Dr. Jonathan Forester in Pineville, Louisiana who has been able to medically treat my/our Lyme disease, and pray with me and my family. He has been a very integral part of giving us back our lives and health. I can without a doubt say, that had we not found him when we did, I would not be alive today. He literally saved my life, and that of my family. I owe a debt of gratitude to Dr. Forester that I can never repay.

My hope for you, the readers and friends of the PHA, is that as you look at the ruins of your own life, you will find the strength, like the phoenix, to rise from the ashes.

It is my prayer for you all that you will seek God as priceless gift this holiday season. He is the only one who can trade your ashes for beauty, your sorrow for joy…He can turn our mourning into dancing again. May God make the ruins of your life into a beautiful memorial that will draw people to you that you may testify to them, “look what my God has done for me!”

Public school teacher brow beats student for being a McCain supporter

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDEAYgm0Dv8

This is a must see!!

Public school teacher brow beats student for being a McCain supporter.

(Just get past the first 20 seconds because it is in the finnish language because the american network news DID NOT show this in our news stations!... the rest is in english, but it has Finnish subtitles.)

Unbelievable.....

"Free" public education...I guess you get what you pay for! Complete INDOCTRINATION!!

I guess her political stance was so "good" they were able to overlook her comments about "Jesus??"

Go figure!

This kind of makes me miss my homeschooling days...

I am amazed this woman still has her job and has had no consequences.

I guess the ACLU might slap her hand for saying JESUS??

It would almost be funny if it weren't so tragic...

Dawn

He Preached His Own Funeral!

It was a funeral like none other I have ever attended. Today we buried my friend and staff writer David Noblett.

He died unexpectedly 2 weeks ago from a heart attack while in the middle of "the story of his life!"

David's life labor in the last 2 years has been for his lifelong friend and personal physician Dr. William Littlejohn, M.D. (Doc LJ for short.) Doc has been in a battle with the Texas Medical Board for his license that was "temporarily" suspended 2 years ago. The suspension was given due to false tesimony that was given during a heated custody battle. It was later proven that the mom signed a sworn affidavit under duress and threat that she would never see her children if she did not make the complaint against Doc LJ. It was proven-- yet the board still has yet to re-instate his license...2 years later. It has been a bureacratical nightmare that is culminating in a federal court case.

Fighting for Doc LJ's license for the last 2 years is what has given David's life new meaning and passion...something worth fighting for!

David is not stranger to battles or war-- he is a decorated Vietname verteran with numerous Purple Heart medals and Bronze Star medal and many other high commendations and military honors for his service in the Army. Yet, this is something that David was VERY private about. This was not his favorite topic of discussion, nor did he share it freely for most of his life.

David and I only recently became friends this year. But we became FAST friends! According to Doc and his office assistant Ann, that is something VERY uncommon for David-- He is very private and distant to most people. I thought it sort of strange as well, because although I am FAR from a "private person"-- in fact I consider myself an OPEN BOOK, I also tend to keep people at arms length on a personal level. So the fact that we struck up such a deep and meaningful friendship so quickly was a mystery to all who knew both of us!

As I sat as his funeral today and listened to Doc and Ann discuss many issues about David, things he had said and done, etc... I began to see a golden thread, the finger prints of God-- the Providential Hand of God at work in our short but very significant friendship!

Doc and Ann recounted how PRIVATE a man that David was... in fact a closed book! That is NOT the David I knew! Doc has known David for 30+ years, I have known David for 3 or 4 months. The first time I ever met David was when he invited me to attend a town hall meeting in Fort Worth where the Texas Medical Board was addressing the public in an open forum.

I had hear "rumors" that David was a bit of a rebel rouser :-) and that this meeting would not be boring! As editor of the PHA, I knew well the situation with Doc LJ-- so I thought I would go see BOTH sides of the story...what would the TMB have to say to the public? I asked my friend Randi to go to the meeting with me for 2 reasons. One, I hate driving to places I have never been! Second, if this meeting got a bit rowdy and we ended up in jail, I wanted to have a friend with me! LOL! (I was only HALF joking about the jail thing! But I did tell that her up front!)

They opened up for Q&A and there a few rows in front of me stood a silver haired man in an Army fatigue jacket covered top to bottom in Military Medals and honors. He had a booming voice and began to address the TMB about the false charges that were brought against Doc LJ and why his license had not been reinstated after the facts had been proven and settled...

...and this was the stage upon which our friendship was built. I leaned over to my friend Randi and said if they drag than man out of here and call the police, just take my car home because I am just going to have to go to jail with him!

We became INSTANT friends. There is just something about a friendship that is built on the strength of conviction on matters of RIGHT & WRONG-- and the courage to confront it. That is where we both were in our lives, though we had different circumstances, we had the same foundations of conviction!

David began to write for my newspaper about his dealings with the TMB and his work on behalf of Doc LJ. David was our Texas Watch Dog! He had a bone to chew and a dog in this fight! We had many emails and phone calls over the months about his various news sources, meetings, deadlines, and his faith in God. The ONLY thing that lit a fire under David more passionately than Doc LJ and the Texas Medical Board situation was his faith in Jesus Christ!

David was a retired minister. He was a 1976 graduate of Christ For the Nations Bible Institute in Dallas, Texas and was later ordained by his local church for ministry. David wrote much on the issues of prayer, holiness, and the authority & power of God's word.

So when I first heard the news David had passed away my heart was simply broken! What a loss to the world around him! He was an absolute DYNAMO!

As I arrived at the graveside today, I was early and one of the first people there besides Doc LJ. The military honor guard was there and Bugle Boy was there, standing guard, alert, at attention and ready to play TAPS on command. The absolute RESPECT these soldiers showed for their fallen veteran serviceman was inspiring. I wanted to hug them! I wanted to thank them! But they were standing at attention and saluting the casket almost the whole time and it just seemed almost irreverent to interrupt their honor and respect of David. But my heart was standing and APPLAUDING to the highest heavens at such a visual of HONOR & RESPECT-- to CHERISH a fallen comrad whom they had never met...there was such honor... I felt a tear escape and that lump in my throat start to swell.

As more and more people arrived, I saw the funeral director place a casette player on the ground by the casket. I leaned over to my friend Rhonda, and half joking said, why do I get the feeling that David is about to preach his own funeral?

And wouldn't you know.... that is exactly what happened! As Doc had been going through David's personal effects he found several sermons that David had preached when he pastored a small church in Ft Worth. There was one in particular that summed up the essence of David's life in a nutshell...all that he believed, all that he hoped for, and all that he would ever want to share with his friends... and so Doc arranged to have that message played at the funeral.

Yes...David preached his own funeral!

The message left me speechless! Tears filled my eyes-- not just for the loss of my friend-- but remembering one of our last conversations we had where we had been discussing a tough family situation I was going through and his counsel was to pick myself up by the boot straps and get myself back in the battle and FIGHT! This was not a time of RETREAT! Forward! Fight! Advance! Defeat is not an option!

So as I sat there listening to him preach his own funeral with a message titled Divine Destiny, the rugged determination to cling to the truth of God's Word. He said that God spoke to his heart and told him he was a hypocrite. He believed that "the steps of a righteous man are ordered of God," yet he refused to speak about or share a very significant journey in his life-- as if the Lord had NOT ordered his steps there-- The jungles of Vietnam.

So he shared the story of his experience in Vietnam and how his best friend, Michael Blanchard, threw his body on a satchel bomb that was intended to blow near David and sacrificed his own life to save David's life. David had been very private about his experiences in Vietnam, but was coming to a realization that God was with him and had ordered those steps, and that ALL things work together for the GOOD of them that love God and are called according to His purposes.

The very day I met David was the FIRST day since he left the jungles of Nam that he donned his military fatigue jacket and pinned on his military honors...and it was to confront a state government medical board, a state/country that he fought for and was honored for his wounds in battle, only to have this state turn their back on him in his quest for basic medical care and the reinstatement of an unduly revoked license of his medical provider.

It was as if I met David the day he burst out of his cocoon and matured from the caterpillar into a majestic butterfly and began to live the Divine Destiny he was born to do!

His message at the funeral went on to say that his struggle with the private nature of what happened in Nam is what gave him the courage to battle openly for Doc LJ. From the get-go David and I had an "open book" relationship. This is the only David I knew-- an open book! So To hear his life-long friends describe this private person, was a mystery to me-- we really became fast friends. I almost felt like I have been given a special privilege and gift...and I cherished that!

His assistant Ann had called me last week and said she just really needed to call and tell me something David and told her. She felt I needed to know. She reminded me of the private person that David was, but said he told her that in the time that he had known me, just since the 4th of July, and our friendship clicking like it did, and his immediate start to writing for the PHA newspaper, that for the first time in YEARS David felt like his life had meaning, destiny and purpose again. I was able to help him get the medical board story told...and in doing so, it helped him get the attention of the mainstream media...which led him to "the story of his life!"

That is what he called it.... "the story of his life!" He had finally gotten a mainstream news media outlet to pick up his struggle for Doc LJ and bring it to the public eye! The story was written, the photographer/reporter was on his way over to shoot the final photos for the story that was to be released to the public the next day. The reporter arrived only to find David dead at his computer desk.

Something else David had said in his funeral message, "You have to know that God's divine destiny has been chosen for you from the foundations of the world, even before you were knit together in your mothers womb. Your steps were ordered. It seemed my entire company in Nam could see my Purple Heart's ...but I couldn't. I had to let God show me he ORDERED those steps for a purpose. Those wounds had a reason."

I do think there was a divine destiny in God bringing a very closed book and private man together with an open book, but distant girl to make an instant friendship!

David struggled over the years feeling he was not making a difference. He was working hard, but not seeing the fruit of the labor. We become instant friends and the only tool I have in my hands, a newspaper I publish from home, just so happens to have a focus on health-related issues, and an interest ESPECIALLY in Texas medical board issues... it was just a PROVIDENTIAL friendship waiting to happen!

I was soooo thankful that Ann called to tell me what David had said. So often we never get to hear those kinds of comments from people. They go unsaid or forgotten. Yet, those words are more valuable than GOLD to the heart and soul of a person. David felt that I had helped him find PURPOSE and VALUE to his life...He said I helped him feel he was MAKING A DIFFERENCE. And in turn, I felt what it meant to have the answer of a prayer I had prayed for many years...one that I had memorized as a new Christian in college, by St Francis of Asissi:

Lord,
It is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Make me an instrument of your peace.
I want to know what it's like to follow you.
When men look at me, I want them to see
the Light of the World inside. Amen.

Our friendship may have only been for 3 months but it will have been three months that has forever changed the landscape of my life for the better.

Not everyone gets to know a true American hero. Not only was David a war hero-- he was a hero of our Christian faith.... and when I was growing weary in the weary in the battle, he knew as a soldier, that to sympathize with me on the battlefield may have gotten me KILLED-- He had one friend die in battle in Nam, he was not about to have another friend in a spiritual warfare battle! He ordered me to attention and back to the battle!

You just don't argue with a veteran war hero!
You respect their experience and out of honor--obey quickly!

So as I sat there at my friends funeral, and his sermon was coming to a close-- he said there is one thing our country sorely lacks-- and that is a spirit of COMMITMENT.

He said to be a soldier, you must commit to the training. But so often as Christians, we get them saved and baptized-- but fail to send them to boot camp for basic training. And WE KNOW we are at war! You cannot send untrained, uncommited soldiers to war-- you guarantee their death!

HE said as the Body of Christ, we MUST return to the boot camp training for all soldiers of the cross. Not only boot camp for new recruits, but advanced training, and then specialist training! He said it is imperative that we learn to use our weapons of warfare and commit to be good soldiers of the cross! WE LACK COMMITMENT!

If there is anything I have been re-evaluating in my personal life lately is has been COMMITMENT-- so I felt like my friend had returned from the grave to finish the conversation we were having right before he passed away.

Now don't you just appreciate the providential hand of God that cares enough about the details of our life to have your friend finish a conversation you were having before he died--AT HIS FUNERAL??

I was sort of amused at the irony of this so I asked Doc when David had preached that sermon because he well could have preached it the week we had our conversation-- it was just that timely to what we had been speaking about!

The date on the tape was from 1980. Now...tell me there is no such thing as PROVIDENCE!!

I will miss my friend David! But he has entered into his rest and is now WHOLE and PAIN-FREE!!

I am sure Jesus has received him with open arms and with a resounding WELL DONE MY GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT!!

What Makes Me Love Him?

thoughts about my husband on our upcoming 17th anniversary...

I believe in the providential hand of God! I was going to meet and marry Brad Irons one way or another-- God made sure of that!

I met Brad while attending the University of Mary Bardin-Baylor in Belton, Texas. A small, hole-in-the-wall Texas town that you will miss if you blink on the highway. Brad was the editor of the college newspaper and I was working as a staff photographer and writer...(wow, the more things change the more they stay the same! LOL!)

But that had not been the original plan for either of our college careers. While developing photos in the dark room one day we began discussing our journalistic goals and dreams. I told him about my lost opportunity of going to the School of Visual Arts in New York City. Even with the scholarship they offered me for Journalism-- I could not afford to go. Brad looked at me in sort of a stunned silence. The School of Visual Arts? In NYC? That was the same school Brad had been accepted to-- the very same semester I had been accepted to go! Now if that were not "coincidental" enough-- the school was very exclusive and quite difficult to get into. Less than 1% of their applicants got accepted...and that 2 of us were standing in the same dark room, working on the same newspaper, in a podunk little Texas town was more than a MIRACLE in my book!

YES...God had major plans for Brad Irons and I to cross paths...and I am personally glad that it happened in TEXAS and NOT New York! You can take the girl out of Texas, but just can't get TEXAS out of the girl!!

Not only did Brad and I have a love of journalism, but we also had a love of drama. I was thinking this morning back to a musical I did in high school called The Apple Tree. It was a musical comedy based on "The Diaries of Adam & Eve".

In one of the songs, Eve waxes sentimental and sings:

"What makes me love him?
It's not his singing.
I've heard his singing.
It sours the milk.
And yet...
It's gotten to the point
Where I prefer that kind of milk."

I know...a funny song to be floating through my head this morning-- but there is was.

WHAT MAKES ME LOVE HIM??

So I started to think about that...

It is not as easy an answer as one would think!

There are a gazillion reasons I adore him:
He is funny
He is an excellent father
He is a wonderful provider
He is a man of good moral character
He is a hard worker
...and the list could go on forever....

But if tomorrow he stopped being funny, I would still love him.

If tomorrow he ceased to be a good father, I would love him still.

If tomorrow his ability to provide for us went away, my love would not.

If tomorrow he had a failure of moral character, my love would NOT evaporate.

If tomorrow he became a couch potato, my love would still exist...

So what makes me love him??

Maybe it really is just the simple fact that Brad is a gift that the Lord has given me, and a gift that I cherish deeply. I've committed to spend the rest of my life with him and to honor and respect him... and maybe that is the only reason I need to LOVE him. All the other reasons I could think of are reasons I adore him-- but they are not reasons I love him.

I think my love is completely based in the commitment I made before the Lord to LOVE the gift He has given me... and it has been a journey of good times & bad, sickness & health, better times & worse times, in short... the abundance of life experiences.

Every other reason is superficial at best. Much like a house built on a foundation of sand...the tests of time will wear on the superficial reasons for loving someone... but a firm commitment founded in Christ...rooted and grounded...THAT can stand the storms, the Katrinas, and anything that hell can throw at us.

I have never loved anyone as much as I have loved Brad. I have literally spent over half of my life with him. We met when I was 19 years old. We have 17 years of marriage and 10 children together (7 with the Lord.)

We have faced some difficult and life-changing circumstances in our marriage from death of children to house fires to chronic illnesses and major medical issues-- but even none of these issues can overshadow what God first brought together waaaaay back in the beginning at a small college in Belton, TX.

I love you so much more now than I ever could have known back then. I would not have traded our life together for a "picture perfect" life. Hey, I like our sense of ADVENTURE!

I love you, Brad! I look forward to the rest of our lives being even better than the past 17 years! The best is yet to come!

Love, Dawn